How Black And White Thinking Is Ruining Your Life

Black and White thinking is part and parcel of our life, but have you ever considered how it is ruining your life? In this post I dive into how you can kick the habit of black and white thinking and live life to the fullest. But first, let me tell you the story of Jasmine...

There’s a girl named Jasmine. She is in a 1 year relationship with her boyfriend Adam. Every time they spend time together she feels so loved, cared for and believes that Adam is the love of her life.. Occasionally, the two of them will get into disagreements and arguments, Adam would talk in a harsher tone and Jasmine would retaliate. After every fight, Jasmine would think to herself “he doesn’t love me anymore, he is such a horrible person”.

What is black and white thinking?

Black-and-white thinking, or all-or-nothing thinking is a common cognitive distortion that makes us think in extremes. These thoughts are usually accompanied by words like always, never, the worst, the very best. Its an absolute, polarizied way of thinking. In Jasmine’s case, “If we argue about something, it means that he dont love me anymore.” or If I don’t get an A on this test, I’m a complete failure.” or “If I don’t get invited to every event, nobody likes me.”

How black and white thinking affects us

So how is black and white thinking detrimental to us? Black and White thinking interferes with our ability to have healthy emotions and relationships. When we are thinking in the extremes our emotions will also sway in the extremes, sometimes rapidly. This can cause emotional distress, poor decision-making, and interpersonal conflicts by preventing us from considering alternative perspectives or recognizing the inherent complexity in life.

Black and white thinking can also give us a sense of helplessness. If my boyfriend is such “horrible being” and is going to disagree and argue with me every time I voice an opinion, why do I ever have to do anything to change myself. “Nothing” in the world will fix our issues, he is just like this. Thinking and justifying any setbacks in this manner is bound to sabotage our growth and relationships. Instead of feeling empowered, we feel weak and helpless. And remember, helplessness is a big contributing factors to depression.

Another way black and white thinking can be a form of self-sabotage is that it often brings out the worse in others. If I say to my partner “You are ALWAYS trying to pick a fight” or “You NEVER try to understand me”, my partner will feel misunderstood and attacked. By exaggerating the behaviours of others brings out the defensiveness in them, which often leads to more fights and arguments, of both parties justifying their own positions. This often leads to further tension in our relationships and can snowball into other problems such as anxiety and depression.

Why we do black and white thinking

At this point, it is clear that black and white thinking is not a good thing, so why do we still do it? Logically, everything that we do serves a particular function, and black and white thinking does have its “function” too, just that it doesn’t work very well.

Black and white thinking, serves as a protection layer for us when we are met with an unpleasant situation. It gives us an excuse to put the responsibility of that situation into the hands of others or to just proclaim that we are unlucky. This way, we will not need to put in the hard work to take any action and change the situation. If my partner “always like to pick fight” and is “the worst boyfriend ever”, there is probably nothing we can do to change the situation anyway. Remember, helplessness.

Black and white thinking makes us the victim of our circumstances, this horrible incident is not caused by us, and this protects us from feeling guilt and any form of accountability. Lifting some pressure off our chest, bringing some form of comfort.

Black and White thinking is also a way to make life “simpler” and “easier” for us. Why bother trying to figure out how good or bad a person or a situation is if we can just label them as either good or bad. Just two choices, there is no need to access any kind of combination of goodness and badness, and it removes the complexity of human beings. This simplicity in the short run will be detrimental in the long run. We will have impaired problem solving ability as we find difficulty in tackling complex issues by oversimplifying them and not recognizing the various factors that contribute to a situation.

How to get rid of black and white thinking

These are some ways for us to stop black and white and cut this unhealthy cycle. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or CBT for short is the most effective way in stopping black and white thinking. This is how you apply CBT to break the black and white thinking habit.

1. Recognise and Identify: Instances where we engage in black-and-white thinking. Pay attention to thoughts that involve absolutes like “always,” “never,” “good,” “bad,” “right,” or “wrong.”

2. Challenge our thoughts: Just because you’re thinking about it, it doesn’t mean its true. When you notice black-and-white thinking, question its accuracy and seek alternative perspectives. Ask yourself “is there evidence that supports my thoughts or if there are other possible explanations or viewpoints to consider?”

3. Expand the gray area: Practice accepting ambiguity and complexity in situations, people, and experiences. Recognize that life is rarely black and white and that there is often a spectrum of possibilities between two extremes. In the situation of Jasmine arguing with her boyfriend, instead of thinking “he don’t love me anymore, he is a horrible person”, ask yourself “is it possible that he still loves me but behaved in a way that I disliked?”

4. Practice cognitive flexibility: Work on being open-minded and adaptable to new information and ideas. Try engaging in multiple perspectives and revise your beliefs when presented with new evidence.

5. Practice mindfulness and meditation: Mindfulness and meditation brings you awareness of your thoughts and emotions, which, back to point 1, helps you recognize and identify black-and-white thinking patterns easily. We can then respond with greater self-compassion and a non-judgmental curiosity.

6. Journaling: Journaling can help you track your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Pen down instances of black-and-white thinking, and practice reframing those thoughts by considering alternative perspectives and possibilities.

7. Last but not least, Practice patience and self-compassion: Changing habitual thinking patterns which has been ingrained in our system for years takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself, it is absolutely normal to experience setbacks along the way. Cultivate self-compassion as you work on developing more balanced thinking habits.

Remember, life is full of ups and downs, it is happiness, sadness, disappointment, excitement, or mix of all of these emotions. Embrace the complexity that life got to offer and beauty that comes with it. To break a habit requires a bit of willingness and willpower, and with enough practice, you will set yourself free from the chains of black and white thinking. I have helped hundreds of people break free of their mental chains, If you need help, reach out to me in the description below and book an appointment with me. As long as you are willing, I promise I will walk alongside you in your mental health journey. For a limited period of time, your first sessions is 50% off. Book now and get immediate help.

Here are a list of different types of black and white thinking:

From: https://helpfulprofessor.com/black-and-white-thinking-examples/

Sources:

Al-Mosaiwi M, et al. (2018). In an absolute state: Elevated use of absolutist words is a marker specific to anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2167702617747074

Anxiety disorders. (2020). https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/anxiety-disorders

Bindon, S. L. (2016). Going Gray. Journal for Nurses in Professional Development, 32(2), 55.

Born, R. T. (2019). Banishing “black/white thinking”: a trio of teaching tricks. Eneuro, 6(6). doi: https://doi.org/10.1523%2FENEURO.0456-19.2019

Geher, G. (2016). Black-and-white thinking in our social worlds. Psychology Today.

Jonason, P. K., Oshio, A., Shimotsukasa, T., Mieda, T., Csathó, Á., & Sitnikova, M. (2018). Seeing the world in black or white: The Dark Triad traits and dichotomous thinking. Personality and Individual Differences, 120, 102-106.

Rochat, P. (2020). Moral acrobatics: How we avoid ethical ambiguity by thinking in Black and White. Oxford University Press.

Sanivarapu, S. (2015). Black & white thinking: A cognitive distortion. Indian Journal of Psychiatry, 57(1), 94. doi: https://doi.org/10.4103%2F0019-5545.148535

Stewart, G., & Mika, C. (2018). Unsettling Binaries of Knowledge, Culture and Education. Knowledge Cultures, 6(2), 7-8.